Be Heard Live Well provides trauma-focused and EMDR therapy in Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, DC. We specialize in working with adults who have experienced traumatic or painful relationships that have negatively affected their well-being.
You may benefit from working with us if you experience frequent fear of abandonment, people-pleasing, shutting down emotionally, or being guarded around others. It can be difficult to stop yourself from having these experiences, even when you desire change and want to form close, healthy relationships.
Relationship trauma doesn’t just exist in the past. It can affect you long after and affect your emotional and physical well-being, which is why simply talking or understanding it more isn’t always enough to stop it.
This is where trauma-focused therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can help.
When Relationship Trauma Shapes How You Feel, Think, and Connect
Relationship trauma can come from many places:
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Parents and caregivers who were emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or unpredictable.
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Partners who were abusive, manipulative, or controlling.
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Constant emotional neglect or your feelings being dismissed.
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People who betrayed you, deceived you, or otherwise broke your trust.
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Repeated breakups, people abruptly leaving, or abandonment.
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Being made to feel like you're “too much,” invisible, or unimportant.
These experiences don’t just cause emotional pain; they can also affect:
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Your sense of self-worth and confidence.
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Whether you feel safe with other people.
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Whether closeness feels comforting or threatening.
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Your response to conflict, distance, or intimacy.
Even when the relationship is long over, your body may still react as if it is happening now.
That reaction isn’t weakness; it's not you making a "too big of a deal" or being overly sensitive. It’s trauma.
You Might Be Carrying Relationship Trauma If You Notice:
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Worry, fear, or panic when someone seems distant or leaves.
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Fear of abandonment or rejection.
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Difficulty trusting others or yourself.
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Emotional shutdown or constant hypervigilance.
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The need to people-please or sacrifice for others.
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Guilt for having your own needs or saying no.
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Feeling like you're “not enough”, unlovable, or unworthy.
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Anger or resentment you can’t let go of.
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Feeling stuck in the past and that you can't move forward.
These patterns are not personality flaws.
They are responses and patterns you formed because they can help you cope when there seems to be no other way.
Trauma therapy helps you learn that you are no longer in danger and that there is another way.
Protecting Yourself, Fear of Getting Hurt, and Holding On To Anger
You may find yourself saying:
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“I’m always waiting for something to go wrong.”
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“I keep my guard up so I don’t get hurt again.”
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“I can’t let go of what happened.”
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“I don’t think I’ll ever heal completely.”
Being hurt, betrayed, or abused in relationships can make you feel that closeness is dangerous. Staying guarded feels safer than being vulnerable. "If I don't put myself out there, I won't get hurt". But deep down, you may still crave connection.
Anger and putting up walls often develop as a form of self-protection. It's understandable why because it feels safe, but it can also be lonely and leave us feeling unfulfilled.
Through trauma-focused therapy, it is possible to:
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Feel safe letting people get close to you again.
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Lower your emotional defenses without losing yourself.
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Release anger without being fearful of what could happen.
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Feel grounded instead of feeling tense.
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Trust that you’ll be okay even if a relationship ends.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting.
It means no longer living in survival mode.
Fear of Abandonment and Attachment Anxiety
You might recognize thoughts like this:
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“If he doesn’t text back, he probably doesn't like me.”
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“I’m afraid people will leave once they know the real me.”
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“I get attached to people too quickly.”
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“Being alone feels unbearable.”
Fear of abandonment usually comes from trauma or painful experiences in our relationships, usually our early-life relationships. This happens when people close to us feel unstable, unpredictable, or unsafe. You learned to stay alert by scanning for signs of trouble at all times.
This can show up as:
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Overanalyzing or constantly thinking about texts or conversations.
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Feeling afraid or that you did something wrong when someone seems distant.
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Seeking reassurance from someone that they still like you and that everything is okay.
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Staying in unhealthy relationships because it feels better than being alone.
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Losing your sense of self or identity in relationships.
Trauma therapy for attachment anxiety can help you:
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Feel secure even when others are unavailable.
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Tolerate uncertainty without spiraling.
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Enjoy being by yourself without feeling empty or bad about yourself.
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Develop relationships at a natural, comfortable pace.
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Feeling whole and complete on your own.
Connection stops feeling like an emotional emergency. Instead, it can be something enjoyable and satisfying.
People-Pleasing, Self-Sacrifice, and Difficulty Speaking Up
You may notice beliefs such as:
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“I must put others first to be liked.”
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“I don’t want to be a burden.”
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“I can't tell people no, or I will feel bad.”
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“If I speak up, I will upset people or they will leave.”
People-pleasing is not about being “too nice.” It often comes from trauma when your needs were ignored, minimized, or punished, and that someone else's were more important.
Over time, this can lead to:
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Burnout and resentment.
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Feeling invisible or that you don't matter in relationships.
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Difficulty in knowing what you actually want.
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Suppressing anger until it explodes.
In trauma-focused therapy, you can learn to:
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Set boundaries without guilt or fear.
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Speak with calmness and clarity.
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Know when it’s safe to give and when it’s not (and letting that be okay).
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Prioritize your needs without feeling selfish or guilty.
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Experience healthy relationships with mutual respect.
Healthy boundaries don’t push people away; they create safety.
Low Self-Worth, Self-Doubt, and Feeling “Not Enough”
Relationship trauma often leaves people feeling:
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“I’m not good enough.”
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“I should be over this by now.”
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“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
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“I can't trust myself to make decisions.”
When your feelings were ignored or your worth seemed conditional, you might have developed beliefs that hold you back even after the relationship is over.
Trauma therapy helps by:
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Targeting the root of self-limiting beliefs.
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Reducing shame and harsh self-criticism.
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Rebuilding confidence and trust in yourself.
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Helping you reconnect with your authentic self.
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Supporting clearer decisions in relationships, work, and life.
You don’t need to become someone new; you get to come back to yourself.
How Trauma Therapy and EMDR Help Heal Relationship Trauma
EMDR helps the brain and nervous system reprocess painful experiences. This way, those experiences lose their emotional charge, and physical sensations tied to the trauma lessen or stop altogether. Memories that once felt overwhelming become less intrusive and less distressing.
EMDR therapy can help with:
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Fear of abandonment, feeling too attached, avoiding attachment, and relationship trauma.
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Healing after abusive or toxic relationships.
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People-pleasing and setting appropriate boundaries.
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Difficult or intense emotions or numbness.
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Low self-worth and chronic self-doubt.
This work involves collaboration and a careful pace. You won’t face pressure to relive trauma; we will support you in healing safely.
About Me
Hi, I'm Kassandra Barry, a licensed psychotherapist and owner of Be Heard Live Well.
I help adults who live in Maryland, Virginia, and DC heal from relationship trauma, attachment wounds, and fear of abandonment. I also address people-pleasing patterns and the emotional fallout from harmful or abusive relationships.
You might have experienced pain in relationships that should have felt safe. You might be wondering whether you’ll ever achieve complete healing or if this is simply how life will always feel.
It doesn’t have to be.
I’ve helped many people rebuild confidence, restore emotional safety, and create secure, fulfilling relationships.
Kassandra Barry has been a lifeline during during my journey through trauma recovery. She's incredibly knowledgeable and qualified and guided me through the process with clarity and care. Kassandra is a phenomenal listener, always making me feel heard and understood. Her empathy created a safe space where I could process my experiences without feeling judged.
Working with Kassandra at Be Heard Live Well has been transformative. She helped me through the toughest time of my life, she understood what I was going through, and really seemed to care. She listened and made me feel validated and respected. I can't recommend her enough for anyone seeking a compassionate and skilled therapist.