Understanding Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships: A Guide for Navigating Connections
- Kassandra Barry, LCSW-C, LICSW, CTP
- Jun 12, 2025
- 8 min read
Updated: Feb 4
As a therapist, I've helped many people navigate the ups and downs and twists and turns of a relationship. In my experience, I have seen how an unhealthy relationship can leave deep and lasting emotional scars. An unhealthy relationship, whether with a romantic partner, friend, or family member, can hurt your confidence. This shakes your trust in others and makes future connections feel scary. The good news? You can protect yourself by learning to spot the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Prevention is key. Knowing what to watch for in yourself and the other person can spare you grief and heartache. It also helps build strong, fulfilling relationships.
Dividing relationships into "healthy" and "unhealthy" categories may seem too simplistic. However, for the purposes of this blog, it is intended to clearly illustrate the differences between a thriving, flourishing relationship and those with issues to address.
Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships
Listed below are some clear signs of unhealthy relationship patterns, along with signs that can indicate whether a relationship is working for you or if it is time to re-evaluate things. Relationships are complex and nuanced, so this is not an exhaustive list. If something feels off, trust your instincts and consider talking to a therapist. We’re here to help you untangle patterns, heal from past hurts, and build meaningful connections with others.
Warning Signs of an Unhealthy Partner
Unhealthy relationships often start out fine with no immediate concerns; many people describe this as "the honeymoon phase". Eventually, subtle red flags start to appear. At first, you may not know what to make of it and ask yourself (or others) if you're making too big a deal out of it. If the issues persist, then they become commonplace, and the longer you're in the relationship, the harder it can be to get out.
Here are key behaviors to watch for in a person. Many are in the context of romantic relationships, but can also apply to other types of relationships. Some are dealbreakers, while others are worth discussing with a professional:
Love Bombing: It's when someone showers you with over-the-top affection, gifts, or promises early on. For example, saying “You’re my one and only” after just a few dates may seem good to some, but it can be a tactic to hook you quickly.
Possessiveness: They act like you belong to them, not in a playful way but with intense control. It can feel objectifying. Comments like, “You’re mine, no one else’s,” are concerning.
Jealousy or Insecurity: They get upset when you talk to others. This could include giving you the silent treatment or guilt-tripping you for not prioritizing them. For instance, they might get upset if you grab coffee with a friend.
Unfounded Cheating Suspicions: Your significant other claims you are cheating without any proof. This often happens when doing things like going out for coffee with a friend or going to a work event. This usually coincides with insecurity and possessiveness.
Isolating You: A person discourages or outright forbids contact with friends or family. You may feel afraid to talk with others because the other person will get upset. "It's just not worth it," comes to mind.
Interfering with Work: If someone is doing things that can get you in trouble at work or even cost you your job, this is a serious offense that needs to be addressed. For example, showing up at your workplace uninvited or contacting your boss without your permission.
Demanding Constant Contact: Being bombarded with calls, texts, or video chat requests. It can initially start as a sign of affection or being paid attention to. However, if this person gets angry if you decline or don't respond to them right away, it is a red flag.
Any Form of Abuse: Physical, emotional, financial, or sexual abuse is a non-negotiable red flag. No one deserves this, ever. Abusers typically convince themselves that they have the right to treat you however they want. For this reason, it is highly unlikely that abuse will stop unless you leave the relationship.
Unresolved Trauma Issues: This is a tough one because when we are dealing with someone who has experienced trauma, we tend to have empathy for them. And it's okay to have empathy, but you can have empathy and set boundaries at the same time. Oftentimes, it comes across as the person frequently saying your actions “trigger” his or her past trauma. The person's emotional needs are so great that it makes it difficult for him or her to meet your emotional needs. This can happen to the best of us, but it's important for these issues to be addressed as they are often barriers to a successful relationship.
Overpromising Financial Security: This can be another tough situation because we can be tempted by money, having nice things, and feeling financially secure (we're human after all, right?). You may meet someone who promises a lavish lifestyle. This includes never having to work or going on extravagant trips. They use promises to keep you in the relationship, and often with no intent to deliver.
This is not inherently problematic; it does depend on the circumstances. However, if you are noticing this with other red flags, then reconsider if this relationship is right for you.
Not Listening: If someone is interrupting, dismissing, or minimizing your concerns, it's important to understand why. Especially if you are noticing other signs listed here. Not listening is particularly concerning if you are also noticing gaslighting by denying your reality (e.g., “I never said that, you’re imagining things”) is harmful.
Stories That Don’t Add Up: Do details about his or her job, past, or living situation feel inconsistent? This could be shyness or exaggeration, but with other red flags, it’s worth digging deeper.
Selfishness: When someone frequently puts his or her needs first and, if you're lucky, your needs come second. If the relationship seems to revolve around the other person, then it is time to see if things can change or if it's time to go.
If these behaviors sound familiar, don’t ignore your gut feelings (there's science that backs this up! I'll have to write another blog for that one.). A therapist can help you determine if this is worth working out (may be there is some boundary setting or assertiveness skills to be learned?) or if it's best to move forward to reclaim your peace.
Signs You Might Need Support in Relationships
Sometimes, the warning signs, or "red flags" if you will, come from within. We all have painful past experiences, things we are afraid of, or tendencies that can make relationships challenging.
Here are some signs that you may benefit from some support:
Fear of Abandonment: This unrelenting, nagging feeling that people close to you will leave. This is amplified if you feel you have upset your partner, speak up to a family member, or even if you don't like the same thing your friend does. This fear can make us go to great lengths to avoid abandonment, and often at the expense of our own happiness.
Neglecting Your Life: If the relationship is always first and your self-care, work, education, or other relationships suffer as a result, it's worth understanding why. It's not sustainable, and your world will shrink as you keep putting that someone special on a pedestal.
Over-Reliance (AKA: Co-dependence): You rely on someone else to do things that you can handle yourself or to constantly be by your side when it isn't necessary. It's nice to have someone else there; it's not always a bad thing. However, overdoing it can put a real strain on the relationship and hurt you in the long run.
Feeling "Triggered" Often: If you often feel "triggered" (or upset, bothered, irritated, anxious, etc.) by others, then it is worth exploring why that is. It may be a painful experience, a harmful relationship, or trauma that has left lasting wounds. (Fortunately, wounds can heal.)
Struggling with Boundaries: You keep setting boundaries, but they are often challenged, or worse, trampled on. Working with a therapist can help you set and maintain boundaries effectively.
Recognizing these patterns is a brave first step. It can be hard to be honest with ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships. Usually, we want them to last, and when we face the possibility that they won't, it can be scary for us. We may be alone for a while, we may have to move out, work or family gatherings will feel awkward, or finances are going to be a little tight for a while. All of these are valid concerns, and therapy can certainly help with addressing them.
On the other hand, if you are noticing some of these issues, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to terminate a relationship. In some instances, learning ways to set boundaries with difficult people or learning effective communication skills to navigate an emotional conversation can help improve a relationship.
Therapy, such as EMDR for trauma or cognitive-behavioral methods (evaluating thoughts, feelings, and actions), can be instrumental in boosting your confidence and building fulfilling and lasting relationships.
"Green Flags": Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Being in a healthy relationship is like being in a wide-open field; you have plenty of room to move around and be yourself (dance, sing, do cartwheels, whatever you like!).
Here are some "green flags":
Time for You and Others: You can grab a cup of coffee with a colleague or a friend, have a night out, or spend the day with a family member you haven't seen in a while without guilt, having to over-explain yourself, or being interrogated afterwards. You and your significant other may even encourage each other to do these things.
Feeling Heard: If you confide in someone or are just talking about your day, they listen attentively. Also, they value your thoughts and respect your feelings, even when you disagree.
Sense of Autonomy: You feel free to make your own choices, from career moves to how you spend your weekend, without pressure.
Open Communication: You’re comfortable sharing your opinions, wants, needs, likes, and dislikes. Even if the other person disagrees, you still feel supported and respected.
Reliability: Counting on someone to be there for you when it matters, emotionally and practically (a shoulder to cry on or to help you move).
Fair Conflict Resolution: Disagreements happen even in the best relationships; it's inevitable. What matters most is being able to work through them with mutual respect. Finding a solution that works for both of you is essential.
Why This Matters
Knowing the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships can help you determine if your relationships are working for you. For some who have a pattern of being in dysfunctional relationships, the characteristics of a flourishing relationship may seem completely foreign to them. Regardless, being in a satisfying, enjoyable relationship is possible.
If any of these signs resonate with you, whether they make you think of yourself or someone in your life, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist. We can help you recognize and break these patterns. We can help you heal from past relationship wounds and create safe and fulfilling connections with others.
Have you noticed any of these signs in your life? Share your thoughts in the comment section below or schedule a consultation to see if therapy is a good fit for you.
Learn More About the Effects of Unhealthy Relationships:
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